Story About Some Guy and Also Bill Gates

This guy tries to start up a calendar company. As in, "Oh. I'm gonna print calendars and sell them." And people tell him, "What's the point? People have phones that have calendars in them. They don't need print calendars." "Yeah. But I'm gonna put together a calendar that's good. Because it'll have pictures." "People can find pictures on their phones." "Yeah. But the thing is, my calendars will have pictures of mice."

So he prints 5 million calendars. And he starts selling them door-to-door. He tells people, "Hey. Do you need a calendar of mice?" And he sells all 5 million of his calendars. For $1,000 apiece. Cash. So, this guy, he has $5 billion cash."

Then he wants to start hanging out with rich people. Because, you know how it is. Rich people like to be around rich people. So this guy, the calendar salesman, he goes to Bill Gates's house. He says, "Bill. I'm rich, Let's be friends." "No thanks, asshole." "Well. Do you want to buy a calendar with pictures of mice? It costs $1,000." And Bill is like, "I can't afford that." "But you have a net worth of like $100 billion. You're rich." "No, bro. I just gave away almost all of my money." "Well. Right now you're in your $100 million home. The home is worth $100 million. You're rich." "No. I just gave away this home, too. I'm about to leave. I got my bags packed. I'm moving to a trailer park." "Oh. Okay. By the way--where's your wife?" "I divorced her. I told her, 'You know what? No. This whole marriage thing--I'm not into it."

Then Bill gets a call. And he takes out his iPhone. And the other dude, the calendar salesman, he's like, "Bro. That's an iPhone." "Yeah." "But, you know. iPhone is Apple. You're Microsoft. Apple is your rival." "Well. Everyone else has an iPhone. So I want to have one, too." "But your company." "Screw my company! By the way--it's not even my company anymore. I gave it away. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go to my new home in the trailer park.

So Bill Gates moves to a trailer park, he marries a woman named Betty Lou, and they have four kids in four years. And Bill works selling razors door-to-door. He runs a company called the 50 Cent Shave Club. He goes all around the trailer park, and he sells razors for 50 cents. As for his wife Betty Lou, she runs a Ponzi scheme. And Bill is like, "I made $7 today." And his wife says, "I made $1.2 million today. Through my Ponzi scheme." "Betty Lou. I'm just curious. You're some dumb broad who lies in a trailer park. How are you intelligent enough to run a multi-million dollar Ponzi scheme out of a trailer home?" "I'm plenty smart, Bill." "Oh yeah. I challenge you to a smart off." "A what?" "A competition to see who's smarter--you or me."

So they have the smart off. And Betty Lou wins. And it turns out that Betty Lou is the smartest person in the world. And Bill is like, "That's interesting. I thought smart people lived in Silicon Valley, and not some trailer park in the middle of Alabama." And then Betty Lou says, "Well. Now you know."